Words

Words have always been a form of escape for me. As far back as I could remember my father instilled his passion of reading on me and would always indulge those little impulses by taking me out to the local library and by buying me books.

It’s probably the reason why I’ve always seen writing as an extension of my love for books. I noticed that because I am such a verbal processor it’s almost even more important to find an outlet where you are able to open up and be transparent, free of judgement. The harsh reality I have come to realize is that this is seen as being a “verbal processor” not always accepted.  I have gotten more backlash in my life for having no filter and for verbally processing then I’d like to admit.

The thing about verbal processors is that they themselves cannot trust their own words. Why? Because it’s just a matter of a thought popping into your head and coming out with no filter that can lead to misunderstandings, hurt feelings and can leave a path of destruction to their “Soap Box”. So hers is a quote on Pinterest that I can totally relate and also may not make sense to a lot of people.

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Let me tell you a story in which this has gotten me in trouble in the church.

I was a fresh face straight out of bible college kid, I knew God had placed a passionate in my heart to oversee interns and to work in college ministry. However I was in no position to be doing something like this in a full-time sense. So I worked it out that I could be serving in my Young Adults/College ministry and also have a little part time job. Months later I started to feel myself getting restless, even frustrated at the fact that I wasn’t where I was expecting to be after being a graduate. So in all my verbal processing fashion I took to Facebook-yep bad idea-to express my angst. I was already mentally thinking…hmm what if I should go back to school and study something else, I even thought to myself, I remember when I was a kid I wanted to grow up and be a veterinarian. I wonder if I could go back and study that? It was just a thought that I could not process so I had to say something out loud. It wasn’t that I was sitting there questioning God’s call in my life, I was entertaining a super random as heck idea. So I took to Facebook and said “hmm I wonder if I would make a good veterinarian considering I probably wouldn’t even be able to euthanize a precious creature” because we all know that’s mostly what vets do when owners can’t shell out the cash to help their sick little friend.  The moment I posted this little comment, leaders at the church took my comment seriously and thought that I wasn’t wanting to pursue my calling to serve in internships and young adults ministry. Nope they thought I had walked away from pursuing any sort of pastoral role. ………it’s at this time I wish I had that emoji on my keyboard so I can express the face of  ::are you kidding me:: . Of course I wasn’t serious, not even in the slightest. I was having a random verbal processing thought.

Why I share this story? Because it is what happened afterwards that really taught me such a valuable lesson.

I didn’t know that my little Facebook rant would be taken so seriously until I heard through the grape vine that leadership at my church had no clue “what to do with me”. In their eyes I was this license Pastor with potential and with no Clue or stability in my calling. I was hurt,annoyed and slightly amused as I thought of my funny little rant on Facebook being taken seriously. Hahahah  I mean really? Did my leadership really not know me and assume that I was serious about my words? Maybe or maybe I should think twice about what I post on Facebook next time.

What this situation did was fuel my passion for writing. I took whatever frustration, ill will, anger, worry and refocused it on my writings. Now let me warn you ahead of time, I am not the kind of writer that you would place under the category of the greats like “Jane Austen, or Hemingway”. Rather put me under the category of the great comical and humorous memoir/short story writers like, “Amy Poehler and Mindy Kailing”.  That’s me, just sitting and having a conversation with you fine people and also praying nobody walks in while I type away during work office hours.  I believe that Words we use are important just as important as my church staff took it. But I believe Words are a form of artistic expression and shouldn’t always be taken literally. Words in the form of stories,poems or verbal processing have the ability to express feeling that may not come naturally to people. Sometimes such Words have to deepen interpretations to it and require dissecting in order to get the truth behind the art. This is the same in scripture that we read in the Bible; we have all forms of the written word like poetry, historical and otherwise. I know that God, as well as fantastic genes from my father, gifted me with the tools to entertain and to write. I also know that I’m flawed and this blog site will be something that you, as my reader, can take and see the flaws in my life and learn from it. I’ve had to take “the road less traveled” in my life and if I can prevent someone else from making the same mistake or if I can inspire someone to use the gift God and wonderful genes have given you to express themselves. Then I believe I’ve done my job.  The moral of the story……..Think before posting something on Facebook, instead, Create a Blog for such thoughts 😉

~Amy

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